There was an adolescent girl in attendance with her mother, about 13 or so, who kept glancing in my direction. I didn't think much of it to be honest. I was a couple months pregnant and in the early stages of "showing" but not really looking "pregnant". She must have over heard me talking with someone about the pregnancy because while I was grabbing a cup of coffee (yes, yes, I know!) she approached me and asked me "what is it like being pregnant". I was totally taken aback! In the past 4 years I have either been pregnant or breast feeding, so to me it's "the norm"! I casually said something like "oh I don't know... not to different then when you're not I supposed. I've been pregnant twice before so this seems pretty normal to me." I could tell that didn't really answer her question, but I really didn't have a better answer at the time.
Over the past few months though, I've had some time to think on it. What is it like being pregnant? My first thought, scary!! From the first few second sitting on the toilet wondering if there will be one or two pink lines, up until you have to push that little one into the world... and even after that! It's just scary! Am I too sick? Why am I not sick? Is that blood? Am I bleeding? Shouldn't I be feeling the baby moving by now? Does my baby have arms and legs? This kids is moving too fast! Am I drinking too much coffee? Should I really be eating lunch meat? And on, and on and on!!
It's so hard to try and remember that the Lord is in control during this time period. I'm so used to being able to SEE or touch what it is that I need to take care of. While I'm pregnant I can't! I can't pick up my baby and check to see if she has arms and legs, or put my hand on her chest to see if she is still breathing. She is inside of me! It's a time I believe that the Lord give to me to remember that there are so many things that are out of my control, and I need to remember to trust in Him! He has blessed me with 3 healthy pregnancies already, and 2 beautiful daughters with a third coming soon. But if He ever sees fit to change that, then He is still Lord, He is still on His throne, and He is still the creator and sustainer. I find so much comfort in knowing those things, and trusting in His perfect will.
What does it feel like to be pregnant? It feels like you're loosing control, and that's okay! It allows me to draw closer to the Lord because of it.
Photo's are by my dear friend Cate.
